Inspiration

Finding Balance

Rx 4 Wholeness — Fri, 21 Apr 2023 13:37:42 +0000

Finding Balance Rx 4 Wholeness Fri, 04/21/2023 - 09:37

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to work with some true heroes. I went into a school that is currently supporting a student through an unimaginable tragedy.

They don't feel like heroes. But, we often forget that the definition of being a hero is doing the unimaginable. Saving a life. Being there when others are
afraid. Showing up even when you, yourself, feel afraid and lost. Being a hero seems glorious from a distance. But most heroes would tell you that if they could choose to be a hero and go through what they went through OR the horrible event not happen ... they'd choose the latter.

I've been thinking about this situation, about the people going through it, about the people offering love and support.

And I'm reminded of this ...

If we go through something light, we probably need something light to counterbalance the negative feelings we experienced. But, if we go through something big, heavy, and tremendously difficult. .. we won't be able to get ourselves centered using the regular strategies once or twice. Finding balance can feel more difficult.

When you go through something that is very heavy and deep, you'll have to dig equally deep to give yourself the care you need to process and heal.

I have really solid self-care routines. But whenever I get involved in trauma or crisis work, I know that I'll need to make space for more.

More time in nature, more physical exercise, more rest more journaling, more talking with a friend ....

If you find yourself in the midst of hero work ... ask yourself these questions:

How am I processing this in my mind? Am I feeling edgy, emotional, tired, drained?

How and I processing this in my body? Do I notice any tension? What do I need right now?

If you don't know where to start or how to give yourself what you need, try thinking in opposites.

I once heard a resilience trainer suggest that one way to think about what you need is to think in opposites. If you've been sitting, stand up and walk around. If you've been standing, lay down. If you have been talking a lot, sit quietly. If you've been inside, take a walk outside.

It isn't selfish to recharge your batteries. Sometimes we think there's no time. Give yourself permission to find the time, to find the resource that YOU need to heal, recharge and get ready again to serve.

If you need a resource, click the link below and it will take you to a meditation I created called "Peace in difficult times".

You deserve joy and peace in your life! I'm cheering you on!

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Is Anxiety Genetic?

Rx 4 Wholeness — Thu, 06 Apr 2023 14:21:30 +0000

Is Anxiety Genetic? Rx 4 Wholeness Thu, 04/06/2023 - 10:21

By Stacey Brake

One thing I wondered about for a long time is this ...

Is anxiety caused by our DNA?

In other words, are you born with a specific gene that causes you to have anxiety?

IF the answer to that is "yes", then what is the treatment? It stands to reason that IF anxiety is a genetic disorder, medication might be the only effective treatment. And you'll need it for life.

But I was asking the wrong question. Mainly because when I was in training, I didn't yet know about the field of epigenetics.

Epigenetics is an absolutely FASCINATING topic. (Well, to me it is!) It's emerging and there is still a TON of work and research to do.

BUT, here's how it applies to anxiety. It's really important to understand this because it helps us understand HOW we can actually treat anxiety, effectively.

There is NOT a specific gene that causes anxiety. This is good news in the sense that if it were genetic, it would not be preventable or even reversible.

Epigenetics is really the science of understanding how our environment can affect the expression of genes. With anxiety in particular, various factors in our environment can change what's called DNA methylation. The important thing to know here is that lower methylation related to our HPA axis (stress regulation occurs here) means a lower stress/anxiety response. Higher methylation = higher stress/anxiety responses.

For those of us who like a good analogy ...

Remember those science project volcanoes?

What makes the volcano explode? It's the reaction of baking soda and vinegar. If you never add the vinegar, there's no reaction. If you add a tiny bit, you get a small reaction. If you add ALOT, you get a bigger reaction.

This is (KINDA) what's happening with our genes. The external environment (stress, parental attachment, learned behaviors, trauma, etc) can affect HOW the gene is operating.

BUT ... we can change how the gene is operating by changing the environment.

This means that having anxiety, even if you come from a LONG line of Nervous Nellies, is not the same as having blue eyes, brown hair, and freckles ... Thank GOODNESS!

Through practice, changing our environment (like diet, exercise, sleep, screen time, etc) and trauma treatment... we can actually change the expression of the gene that regulates our brain's response to stress.

I can't help but think of what the good witch said to Dorothy, "you've had the power all along."

This doesn't mean it's easy. I just want you to know that it's POSSIBLE to change your brain and body's response so that YOU can finally be free from anxiety!

One last thing ... epigenetics are passed down to our children. If you change this for yourself, your future children can reap those benefits too!

You deserve a life of peace and joy! I'm rooting for you!

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Is Our Old Mental Health Model OUT?

Rx 4 Wholeness — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 15:43:32 +0000

Is Our Old Mental Health Model OUT? Rx 4 Wholeness Sun, 02/26/2023 - 10:43

By Stacey Brake

I'll start by saying this ... while there are flaws in our mental health system, there are a LOT of people who are getting the support they need. I don't believe we are in a place that we need to throw away what's working.

With that said, I want to point out some of the flaws in the way we think about mental health support that could really improve outcomes for many.

First, let me define what I mean by our current mental health model. What I see is that most of the time, we wait until we are in crisis to seek support with our mental health care. Thinking specifically about anxiety, here's what that can look like.

First, someone begins to feel more and more anxious in their life. Maybe work is overwhelming and they have kids in multiple sports. They are busy and stretched thin. One negative event occurs and then another. The emotional weight begins to pile on. This person's mantra becomes, "suck it up", "this too shall pass".

They are holding on by a thread when BOOM, another negative life event occurs and it's just too much.

Now, she is in full crisis mode. She is overwhelmed, anxious, and feels completely lost She needs help. AND, there is no lifeboat, no guide who is coming to tell her HOW to get that help. She is in a state of complete overwhelm and SHE is also the captain who must find her own path forward.

Most people have not been taught how to navigate the mental health system. Most people don't know the process for finding a counselor who is the right fit Most people don't know (until they are overwhelmed and NEED the help) that it can often take weeks (and often, more realistically, MONTHS), to get into a therapists office.

When we wait until crisis, it can be more costly, take longer to recover, and make us feel, at times, hopeless.

What I really dream of is that we will normalize building resilience, learning skills and practicing the tools for proactive and preventative mental health care.

THAT is the heart behind all of the work I am doing right now. I want to support you NOW, while the hard parts are still manageable.

Did you know that EVERY SINGLE PERSON will experience anxiety in some form at some point in their life. It's not an "IF", it's a "WHEN" question. So, why not build yourself up now?

I have more ideas about improvements we can make ... one day, I'll get into that too.

But for now, if you're not yet in crisis. What is one thing you could do to build up your resilience right now?

Meditation, prayer, find a book, change some habits, seek out help, get some coaching, or take an online course?

Have a great week!

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Magical Mind Control? Or Brain Science?

Rx 4 Wholeness — Thu, 19 Jan 2023 21:17:51 +0000

Magical Mind Control? Or Brain Science? Rx 4 Wholeness Thu, 01/19/2023 - 16:17

By Stacey Brake

I was a school counselor for 12 + years. When I was in college for this role, there were plenty of things that I didn't imagine doing. One of those things was dealing with angry parents. It honestly never occurred to my 20 year old brain that I would need to learn skills for this. But, as parents, we can all be a bit sensitive when it comes to our kids. I actually got really good intervening with angry parents. (Not that I every really wanted to add this accomplishment to my resume ... l'd much rather avoid confrontation if possible.)

One day, I could hear someone shouting in the front office. The place where parents are in and out .. AND little kids. It's not the best place for confrontation.

I left my office to see what was going on. I walked in to find a parent upset and shouting at the school secretary. She and the nurse were wide eyed and a bit frustrated. Their logic was not getting through to this angry mom.

"Can I be helpful?" I said. "How about you come to my office so I can get a better understanding of what is going on."

THANK YOU! our secretary mouthed to me. (It can be really upsetting for a 5 year old to walk into the office to see this type of scene).

By the time I finished talking with this mom, she hugged me, apologized, and was appreciative of the work our school was doing ... EVEN THOUGH, I didn't give her what she was demanding at first.

Was that some kind of magic mind control?

NOPE..Just something I learned about how our brains are wired. Once you know this bit of information, you can use it too!

It's called co-regulation. If you look up the definition of coregulation, it's kind of hard to follow. I'll tell you a simple way to think about it. Our brains are wired to pick up on emotional cues from others and then react to their signals. Ever noticed that when someone gets upset nearby, your heart starts to race a bit too? There's this constant interplay between people and our emotional states influence each others'.

Being the target of someone's anger, can cause you to feel angry and defensive. BUT ... if you are AWARE of your emotional state ... YOU can control YOUR emotional state. Then YOUR emotional state, influences the other persons. Like magic!

So, back in my office with this really angry and upset mom, I listened to what she was upset about but MORE IMPORTANTLY, I slowed down my breath. Even more than I would normally breath. Extending my exhale, slowwws my heartrate. I'm not responding to her anger with anger. I'm responding with a calm demeanor. I also made sure that my body language was open and relaxed. Not defensive or aggressive.

It wasn't long before this mom, calmed right down too. She didn't know it but we were co-regulating. We always are!

Co-regulation works with anyone because it is a natural function of our brains. Try it sometime!

You can use this with your friends, coworkers, your spouse, and your own children. It can be tremendously helpful in all kinds of situations. Also, you may find it interesting to notice how your own emotions are influenced by those around you.

It reminds me of this quote:

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi

If you found this helpful, share it with a friend! Or check out more on my website, www.staceybrake.com.

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Looking for a book that can help with your Anxiety?

Rx 4 Wholeness — Thu, 12 Jan 2023 21:08:26 +0000

Looking for a book that can help with your Anxiety? Rx 4 Wholeness Thu, 01/12/2023 - 16:08

By Stacey Brake

Several of my friends have been posting their book finds on social media. Some have set goals for a number of books they want to read this year.

I don't do that. If anything, I should pull pack on the number of books I buy. I don't read that many fiction books. I can't stop reading books on personal growth, self improvement, spiritual insights, the latest research in psychology and of course, books about healing anxiety.

Maybe you like to read too! So, I put together a list of books that you might like to read if you want to read something that might offer some insight into your anxiety and potential solutions.

The Body Keeps the Score
Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk is a leading researcher and clinician in the field of trauma. His work has changed the way many practitioners view anxiety and trauma
treatment. WARNING: this book does talk about trauma and describes traumatic experiences that some of this clients went through. It can be really heavy to read (and enlightening). Take breaks, go for a walk, or do something else to lighten your mood after reading.

The Worried Child
As a parent, it can be excruciating to see your child struggle with worry or anxiety. This book offers some beautiful insights into how a parent (or teacher, coach, etc) can help a child.

Anxiety Rx
Anxiety Rx is the book I'm reading right now. Since I haven't finished it, I can't quite give you the full review. BUT, early on I noticed that he offers some really great ways to think about anxiety. It's become more commonly known that there are worried thoughts and anxious feelings (mind and body). This is one of the unique things about anxiety. If you just focus on treating the worried thoughts, you may be missing a big piece of the puzzle. He describes this in a way that I believe is very beneficial. He is also an MD who suffered with anxiety his whole life and finally has been able to get a grip on his anxiety and he shares that in this book.

Have you read any of these? Do you have another book you'd recommend? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Have a beautiful week filled with all of the things that brings you joy!

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Holiday Reflections: the messy and the beautiful

Rx 4 Wholeness — Thu, 22 Dec 2022 14:57:47 +0000

Holiday Reflections: the messy and the beautiful Rx 4 Wholeness Thu, 12/22/2022 - 09:57

By Stacey Brake

First of all, I want to tell you how truly grateful for you I am. To be able to send a message to you each week in your inbox and get so many responses and stories and personal reflections is truly a gift. I adore you and appreciate you ... truly. Thank you for being on this journey with me and for your connection.

The holidays are among us. Whether you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah, or you don't celebrate at all, it's impossible to miss the celebrations going on around us.

What always strikes me during this time of year is the contrast in the human experience. Last night truly highlighted that for me.

In our home, we are more focused on experiences over things. Months ago, we bought tickets to the Jumpman Invitational: a college basketball tournament. 8 teams, 4 games ... including our favorite team, the Tarheels! The joy and excitement leading up to this tournament are hard to measure. This tournament was going to be a highlight of the year for our family. To be able to experience this with and through the eyes of our boys who are 10 and 11 ... and LOVE basketball, esp. the Tarheels . ..is an absolute gift.

Shortly after we got into the Spectrum Center awaiting the start of THE game, I got a call from my Dad. I answered it and he told me that my uncle, who has been in the hospital for the past month waiting for a heart transplant, just took a turn for the worse. He had been rushed in for emergency surgery after he complained of massive pain in his leg and then passed out. Doctors performed CPR, and possibly internal bleeding. He was without oxygen for a period of
time and may have organ damage. This episode removed him from the heart transplant list until they can assess the condition of his other organs, including his brain.

When I hung up the phone, my husband asked if I was ok. "Yeah, I just feel really sad right now.", I said.

So, I sat in one of the most joyful moments of the year while also feeling very sad.

Life is messy, complicated, beautiful and joyful.

THAT is why we need strategies and skills to manage all of it. It's possible to not know how to manage feelings of joy and it's possible not to know how to manage feelings of pain.

Managing emotions is a skill. It takes practice.

Yes, I was able to enjoy the game, but not because I pushed away the feelings of sadness. One thing that I've learned over the years is how to allow emotions to be what they are. I can feel sad and appreciate a joyful moment.

It takes practice and I'm grateful in moments like this where I'm able to hold space for both emotions.

I hope that you have lots of beautiful, joyful moments during this season. AND, I hope that if there are some messy, sad, or difficult moments, you can move through them and still stay in touch with the beautiful ones.

Blessings to you and yours during this season!

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Meditation VS Lexapro

Rx 4 Wholeness — Thu, 17 Nov 2022 21:43:51 +0000

Meditation VS Lexapro Rx 4 Wholeness Thu, 11/17/2022 - 16:43

By Stacey Brake

Recently, a research study was published that did something that had never been done before.

Mindfulness Meditation has been taught and studied for quite a while. It has been found effective for the treatment of anxiety.

The thing that had never been done before was comparing the results of mindfulness meditation to a commonly used anti-anxiety medication. In this research, people who suffered from anxiety but were not receiving treatment were split into two groups. One group was given Lexapro as treatment. The other group was taught mindfulness meditation and participated in regular guided practice.

So, what did they find?

After 8 weeks, they measured the anxiety levels of both groups and found that BOTH groups had decreases in their anxiety of about 20%.

A TWENTY percent decrease in anxiety in 8 weeks is significant. There have been debates for years about which is better, medication or natural remedies.

What does this all mean?

First of all. .. realizing that mindfulness meditation is equally as effective as Lexapro doesn't mean we will soon throw away medications as a treatment option.

Of course, you may ask .. .what would happen if participants did BOTH? Perhaps that will be research done in the future.

However, since physicians are now required to screen for anxiety, this will be another option that patients will have for treatment. Many people don't want to start with anxiety medication because of the potential side effects. So a natural alternative will be appealing.

Also, there is going to be a push to have Mindfulness Meditation covered by insurance.

More options for mental health care? I'm in full support!

Hope your week is filled with joy!

PS ... You can find a course on Mindfulness Meditation under the Courses Link.

I'd love to know what you think! Have you tried meditation? What other ways have you found to reduce your own anxiety?

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Letter to my younger self

Rx 4 Wholeness — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 19:52:21 +0000

Letter to my younger self Rx 4 Wholeness Fri, 11/04/2022 - 15:52

By Stacey Brake

Here's a favorite journaling technique that is often used in therapy. Write a letter to your younger self. Some of the benefits of writing a letter to your younger self include being able to gain perspective on something that haunts you from the past, catharsis and practicing more positive self-talk. Often, we are our own harshest critics. But when we remember we were once an innocent child and think of how we would want to speak to her/him, it reminds us to be a little more gentle with ourselves ... now.

So, I've taken the leap and written a letter to my younger self. I'm sharing it below in hopes that you'll take a moment to do the same for yourself. Give yourself a moment of grace. Offer some love to a part of you that is still healing ...

I'd love to know if you give it a try!

* * * * * *

Hi Sweetheart,

You've got a lot of big dreams in your heart You don't quite fit into that big-girl dress ... but one day ...

There are some things that I want you to know. First of all, you are so loved and even when life is hard for you or for those around you, it's truly lucky to have love in your life.

Sometimes, you will share your dreams, your ideas. your heart with others but they won't understand or think those ideas are so great. They may even criticize you or try to convince you that you should change your mind. That's OK ... the only one who needs to love your ideas, is you. So, write them down. Keep them close to your heart. And then, when your idea is strong enough to survive on it's own, share it and it won't matter what others think.

Next, and pay careful attention to this one, life isn't always easy or fair. BUT, YOU are strong enough to handle whatever will come your way. One day, you will stand up for yourself and speak up when someone tries to push you around. He will think that you are weak because you are soft-spoken and kind, but you are also tough. When you do speak up, it will change his tone and the outcome of the situation. It will still feel AWFUL! You can do the right thing, the brave thing, you can win ... and still feel awful. Keep being brave. Keep being brave.

Most important of all. You're going to be the kind of girl who wants to be good. Actually, you will strive to be perfect at everything you do, you'll want to make those around you happy, you'll want to please others, you'll want to be praised. It's ok to want to do your best. But NOBODY is perfect AND more important than making others happy, is learning to be happy and joyful yourself. It's more important to disappoint others to be true to your own heart than to disappoint yourself.

Keep going for your dreams! And surround yourself with people who encourage you AND have dreams of their own. Cheering each other on is one of the most fulfilling opportunities in life!

Love,
Stacey (42)

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Is that a Dead End up ahead?

Rx 4 Wholeness — Thu, 03 Nov 2022 14:53:30 +0000

Is that a Dead End up ahead? Rx 4 Wholeness Thu, 11/03/2022 - 10:53

By Stacey Brake

My husband, Joe, and I were on a walk in our neighborhood recently. We passed a sign but honestly, I didn't even see it. You know when things are just so familiar they fade into the background and you don't even see them anymore? It was like that. The sign was big, bright, and yellow. I couldn't really miss it. So maybe it's more accurate to say I didn't notice it.

BUT JOE DID. In fact, it made him stop. The finality and harshness of it, maybe. "Dead End ... man, I've felt that before.", he said.

It sparked a whole conversation. Was it necessary for the sign to say "dead" AND "end"? Couldn't it just say "street ends"? How many people FEEL like they are living in a "dead end" situation? How many times have we felt that ourselves? The feeling that there's no way out. OR. .. I know where this is leading and I don't like it. AND WHAT ABOUT ... Pretty soon, this will be over but what next?

The feeling that something is hopeless ...

One definition in the dictionary is, "a position that offers no hope of progress".

Hope can be so fragile. Situations can feel so definite, so permanent.

But maybe it's just a dead end. Maybe a dead end gets a bad rep.

Maybe there are always warning signs in life .. but we don't notice them because we've allowed them to fade into the background of our awareness.

The feeling itself is a warning. Feeling stuck. Feeling hopeless. Feeling constantly frustrated. Wishing things were different. Wishing for a miracle.

Those emotions are like little warning signs. What are your emotions telling you? How can you get clear?

Two practices I've found helpful have been meditation and journaling.

There are a NUMBER of ways to do meditation. The goal is really just to get quiet for a few minutes so you can reconnect with your emotional state, your inner guidance or wisdom. You can do this for 3-5 minutes and still benefit. Ask a question, then wait for the answer. Listen to quiet music. lay in the grass and watch the clouds or the stars. Listen to a guided meditation.

Journaling is such a powerful way to clear the muck out of your brain. It also helps emotions become unstuck. Write what you're grateful for, write what you're angry about, write a new ending to an old story from your life, and write about your dreams and wishes.

Sometimes we think we're stuck at a dead end. But maybe all we really need to do is turn around and go back. Or just sit and rest. Or take a walk through those woods and wander on the "path less traveled by".

So, how's it going? I'm leaving a little gift here to hopefully guide your way. It's a meditation for a calm start to your day. (You can find it at the very bottom of this note) I hope it's helpful. Try it out and let me know how it goes.

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Lessons learned from an improv class

Rx 4 Wholeness — Thu, 20 Oct 2022 15:03:17 +0000

Lessons learned from an improv class Rx 4 Wholeness Thu, 10/20/2022 - 11:03

By Stacey Brake

Usually we think of improv just for people who want to be comedians. Well, if I'm honest, at some point in my life I dreamed of being on Saturday Night Live. (but hasn't everyone?!)

So, when this opportunity to take an lmprov class came completely out of the blue, I was thrilled to say, "yes"!

Before we began, Carl, my instructor said that improv was actually started by a woman who was teaching these games to children as a way to foster their creativity, confidence, and other theater-specific skills. Her own son grew up and began to use those games with adults. He later started his own Improv Theater ... and so it began.

The games are intended to help you practice quick thinking, creativity, and to collaborate with others.

The most classic and well-known of all improv rules is the "Yes, and" rule. In improv, when someone makes a suggestion, we never say, "No, that won't work!" Because that takes away the momentum, deflates the other person, and basically kills the creative process. Instead, we follow up their suggestion that the sky is purple with, "yes! and look at those cotton candy clouds!"

One game that we played was "What else could this be?" He held up an empty paper towel roll. And we took turns ... Pinocchio's nose ... an instrument ... a pirate's spyglass ...

As the obvious ideas run out, you are forced to get more creative ... straw for a giant ... a special viewer that allows you to see if someone is telling a lie!

It just made me think about real life. How we are likely to jump to conclusions and make assumptions. But, what if we
asked ourselves this question in our every day life.

"What else could this be?"

For example ... your husband is quiet and doesn't have much to say. Your first thought might be, "he's mad at me or didn't like the dinner I made." When you start there, it's easy for your thoughts to spiral downward negatively, But, let's play the game ... "what else could this be?"

It could be that he's tired ... or had a hard day at work ... or is feeling worried about finances ... or calculating statistics for the upcoming basketball game ... it could be that his brain is out of ideas and he isn't thinking ANYTHING!

When we take a moment to consider other possibilities. It's easy to realize the possibilities are truly endless.

I want to challenge you to play some improv games this week, Play them for fun, to open up the creative side of your brain, or play them to help you solve a current problem you have.

I'm cheering you on here ... or am I just slow clapping for the ending of this newsletter?!

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